HaHaHa Funny A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: "Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your loving son, Jon PS - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tyler's house. Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home."
Just remember........it can
ALWAYS be worse. Special Thanks to Kaylyn Drinkwater for sending
this Story in.
A couple of days ago, I held the door for three or four
families before I entered the store I was visiting. They
pushed right by and seemed to ignore my very existence. Not
a single person said "thank you!"
This was very frustrating for me -- what in the world
happened to manners? Anyhow, this fun page shows me there
might just be a solution the next time around that will give
me a way to act as impolite to them as they act to me!
In all reality, I don't really think a plan like this would
pan out, but the story is definitely good for a laugh!
Thanks, and have a great week! -- Alex :-)
Are You Having a Bad Day?
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when
you just need to take it out on someone, don't take that bad
day out on someone you know.
Instead, take it out on someone unfriendly who you don't know!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a
phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
Having a Bad Day?
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hannifin and could I
please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't
believe that anyone could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still
lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a
jackass!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put
it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"
It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year, the phone company introduced caller ID.
This was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop
calling the jackass.
Then, one day, I had an idea.
I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."
Having a Bad Day?
I made up a name. "Hi, this is Mike Smith with the sales
office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see
if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a
jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story is to show
you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you
can do something about it -- just dial my good ol' friend,
the jackass, at 555-1111.
[Keep reading! It gets better.]
An old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of
the parking place. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally, she got the car in reverse and she began to move
... very slowly backing out of the slot.
I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull
out.
Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.
Having a Bad Day?
All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the
parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do
that, Buddy. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He
walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, "This guy's a jackass!" There sure a
lot of jackasses in this world.
Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window
of his car. I wrote down the number then hunted for another
place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I
had just gotten off the phone after calling 555-1111 and
yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him
now since I have his number on speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro
lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings, someone answered the phone and said,
"Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house
and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while, things seemed to be going better for me.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call.
Having a Bad Day?
Then, after several weeks of calling the jackasses and
hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used
to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a
solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying
your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now,
Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told
them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to
kill my brother-in-law as soon as he got home.
I made another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war
going down on West 34th Street.
Having a Bad Day?
After that, I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing.
Glorious! Watching two Jackasses throwing punches and
kicking one another in front of 6 squad cars, a police
helicopter, and channel 13 news cameras!!!
It was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Name withheld to protect the guilty.
We will have many more l8er.