HAHA
Funny
Jokes
Hey every1. Here is some jokes.
YO MAMA JOKES
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.
Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!
Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"
Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.
Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.
Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.
Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.
Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.
Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.
Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.
Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.
Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.
Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.
Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.
Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.
Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.
Your mothers so fat, she has her own area code.
Your mothers so fat, they got her face on the Crisco can.
Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "Sorry, we don't do live stock."
Yo mama so fat, were in her right now.
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Dang, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall.
Yo mama so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so ugly, she went into an hunted house and came out with an application
Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!
Yo mama so fat, her nickname is OMG!
Yo mama so fat, that she needs a sock for each toe
Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.
Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.
Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.
Yo momma so fat, scientists have declared her ass to be the 10th planet.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Your momma's so poor she can't even pay attention!
Your mamma is so fat she's on both sides of the family.
Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.
Yo momma so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so ugly, she walked into Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like poop !!
Yo momma is like a bowling ball, gets picked up fingered, thrown in the gutter and bitch comes back for more.
Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.
Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.
Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!
Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.
Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
Your mothers so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma's so stupid she thought a quarterback is a refund.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's hair so greasy when she gets in the car the oil light comes on.
Yo momma is a carpenter's dream...she's flat as a board and she's never been screwed.
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
Yo momma is so fat her type is rocky road.
Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a park car.
Yo momma is so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she put on a pair of Guess Jeans and the answer popped out.
Yo momma's so fat, she irons her clothes on the drive way!
Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo momma's so ugly, when you look up "ugly" in the dictionary, there's a picture of her!
Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed!
Yo momma is like a shotgun, one and she'll blow
Yo momma's so fat she can't even fit in the chat room.
Yo Momma's so fat she gets her toenails painted at Lucky's Auto Body.
Your momma's armpits so stink she put on Right Guard and it went left.
Your momma's like a hardware store, 5 cents a screw.
Your momma's house is so small, when you buy a large pizza you have to go outside and eat it
Your momma's so hairy they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower!
Yo momma's got more mileage then a New York city taxi.
Yo momma's face is so pimply that her tears need a 4x4 to get down her face.
Yo momma's so loose, she jerks herself with the fat end of a baseball bat.
Yo momma so poor when I rang the doorbell she stuck her head out the window and yelled ding dong.
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo momma's so poor, she has to hang toilet paper out to dry.
Yo momma's so poor, when I stepped on a lit match in her house, she yelled "Who turned off the furnace"!
Yo momma's so poor, she can't get rid of the roaches in her house 'cause they pay half the rent!
Yo momma's feet are so crusty, when she walks on a wooden floor, it sounds like she's tap dancing.
Yo momma's like a pie, everybody gets a piece.
Yo momma's so fat that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket over the pacific ocean.
Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy!
Your momma's so fat, your family pictures have to be taken by a satellite!
Your momma's like the village bicycle, everybody gets a ride.
Yo momma's got a party in her mouth tonight, and everybody's coming.
Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.
Yo mama so skinny her pajamas only have one stripe.
Your mommas so ugly the army doesn't use s any more, they use her picture.
You're mama is so poor that she chases the garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo momma is so fat she caught a flesh-eating virus... and that was three years ago.
Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.
Your mother is so fat she asked for a water bed and they put a blanket over the ocean.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks by the TV I miss a season of Friends.
Yo momma's so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mamma so old she has the autographed version of the Bible.
Yo Mamas so stupid she locked herself in the bathroom and peed in her pants.
Yo mama's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list!
Yo momma so ugly all the neighbours pitched in for curtains.
Yo momma's so short she did a jump off the curb.
Yo momma's so short, you could see her feet on her driver license.
BLONDE JOKES
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
She was so blonde...
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'.
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.'
She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test... and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she saw the 'NC-17' (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
1 redhead girl was sittin on the side of the road and counting 31 31 31 31
and a brunette walks up and said what are you doin and the redhead said im counting so the brunette sat down and said 31 31 31 31 then a raven black hair girl walks up and says what are yall doin and the brunette says were counting so she sits down and starts goin 31 31 31 31 then a blonde walks up and says what are yall doin the black hair girl says were counting so 2 min later the blonde gets runover then all the girls start goin 32 32 32 32!!
Hey every1. Here is some jokes.
YO MAMA JOKES
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.
Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!
Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"
Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.
Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.
Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.
Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.
Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.
Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.
Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.
Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.
Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.
Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.
Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.
Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.
Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.
Your mothers so fat, she has her own area code.
Your mothers so fat, they got her face on the Crisco can.
Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "Sorry, we don't do live stock."
Yo mama so fat, were in her right now.
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Dang, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall.
Yo mama so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so ugly, she went into an hunted house and came out with an application
Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!
Yo mama so fat, her nickname is OMG!
Yo mama so fat, that she needs a sock for each toe
Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.
Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.
Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.
Yo momma so fat, scientists have declared her ass to be the 10th planet.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Your momma's so poor she can't even pay attention!
Your mamma is so fat she's on both sides of the family.
Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.
Yo momma so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so ugly, she walked into Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like poop !!
Yo momma is like a bowling ball, gets picked up fingered, thrown in the gutter and bitch comes back for more.
Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.
Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.
Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!
Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.
Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
Your mothers so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma's so stupid she thought a quarterback is a refund.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's hair so greasy when she gets in the car the oil light comes on.
Yo momma is a carpenter's dream...she's flat as a board and she's never been screwed.
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
Yo momma is so fat her type is rocky road.
Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a park car.
Yo momma is so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she put on a pair of Guess Jeans and the answer popped out.
Yo momma's so fat, she irons her clothes on the drive way!
Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo momma's so ugly, when you look up "ugly" in the dictionary, there's a picture of her!
Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed!
Yo momma is like a shotgun, one and she'll blow
Yo momma's so fat she can't even fit in the chat room.
Yo Momma's so fat she gets her toenails painted at Lucky's Auto Body.
Your momma's armpits so stink she put on Right Guard and it went left.
Your momma's like a hardware store, 5 cents a screw.
Your momma's house is so small, when you buy a large pizza you have to go outside and eat it
Your momma's so hairy they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower!
Yo momma's got more mileage then a New York city taxi.
Yo momma's face is so pimply that her tears need a 4x4 to get down her face.
Yo momma's so loose, she jerks herself with the fat end of a baseball bat.
Yo momma so poor when I rang the doorbell she stuck her head out the window and yelled ding dong.
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo momma's so poor, she has to hang toilet paper out to dry.
Yo momma's so poor, when I stepped on a lit match in her house, she yelled "Who turned off the furnace"!
Yo momma's so poor, she can't get rid of the roaches in her house 'cause they pay half the rent!
Yo momma's feet are so crusty, when she walks on a wooden floor, it sounds like she's tap dancing.
Yo momma's like a pie, everybody gets a piece.
Yo momma's so fat that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket over the pacific ocean.
Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy!
Your momma's so fat, your family pictures have to be taken by a satellite!
Your momma's like the village bicycle, everybody gets a ride.
Yo momma's got a party in her mouth tonight, and everybody's coming.
Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.
Yo mama so skinny her pajamas only have one stripe.
Your mommas so ugly the army doesn't use s any more, they use her picture.
You're mama is so poor that she chases the garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo momma is so fat she caught a flesh-eating virus... and that was three years ago.
Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.
Your mother is so fat she asked for a water bed and they put a blanket over the ocean.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks by the TV I miss a season of Friends.
Yo momma's so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mamma so old she has the autographed version of the Bible.
Yo Mamas so stupid she locked herself in the bathroom and peed in her pants.
Yo mama's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list!
Yo momma so ugly all the neighbours pitched in for curtains.
Yo momma's so short she did a jump off the curb.
Yo momma's so short, you could see her feet on her driver license.
BLONDE JOKES
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
She was so blonde...
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'.
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.'
She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test... and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she saw the 'NC-17' (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
1 redhead girl was sittin on the side of the road and counting 31 31 31 31
and a brunette walks up and said what are you doin and the redhead said im counting so the brunette sat down and said 31 31 31 31 then a raven black hair girl walks up and says what are yall doin and the brunette says were counting so she sits down and starts goin 31 31 31 31 then a blonde walks up and says what are yall doin the black hair girl says were counting so 2 min later the blonde gets runover then all the girls start goin 32 32 32 32!!
Raj was
trying to
get into
the UK
legally..
The immigration officer said that you have to pass a test to enter.
You have to make a sentence using the words yellow,pink, and green.
Raj replied the telephone goes green,green,green, & i pink it up and say yellow.....
Submitted
by: Mr DJ
of
FunnyForAll
ForumsThe immigration officer said that you have to pass a test to enter.
You have to make a sentence using the words yellow,pink, and green.
Raj replied the telephone goes green,green,green, & i pink it up and say yellow.....